Friday, March 23, 2012

Embracing my muffin top

On Monday I started writing a post about weight—about struggling with it and learning to embrace my flaws. But I kept finding myself stuck. Then, this morning, I read Lori’s post at A Crazy Walk on the Safe Side, an adorable blog I recently started following.

Aside from the fact that my headed nodded up and down in agreement through the whole thing, I was inspired. Ready to be honest with myself. Motivated to get serious. And comforted that I am not the only person who feels these ways sometimes.

Earlier this week I was chatting with a new coworker and the topic of weight loss came up. She was surprised when I told her that three years ago I was roughly 60 pounds heavier than I am today.

She (who is on her own weight loss journey and has lost 50+ pounds in the last year) told me that just the other day, I walked into a meeting and she thought to herself, “I’d love to be built like her.” I was shocked. Me? The person who beats herself up daily because my ass is nonexistent and I carry 90% of my weight in my flabby, muffin-top stomach. (Sidenote: Funny enough that it came up because she considers her downfall her butt, and I consider mine my stomach - but it's interesting how other people don't notice the things we're often hardest on ourselves for)

But who hasn’t done that before—looked at someone and envied them for something we struggle to see in ourselves?

All too often, it seems, we make ourselves feel even guiltier by comparing ourselves to others. But we all have our own insecurities. We’re all fighting our own battles. I can’t be anything but uniquely me. So sure, I’m a bit disproportionate. I have a hard time finding pants that button over my tummy but don’t look baggy in my ass and hips. I have a big head and a round, kind of chubby-looking face. But that’s who I am. It’s how God made me and there’s only so much within my control.

But when it is in my control, it’s time to be held accountable again. I can have just as much fun going out to eat with friends if I get fruit instead of French fries. I don’t need to have a handful of jelly beans just because the bowl is there when I walk by.

Too often lately I catch myself banking on exceptions. “I can have this frozen yogurt, just once.” But enough exceptions add up to a routine. And I’m so not on board with returning to a routine that involves unhealthy choices and overeating. Besides, exceptions are a lot more enjoyable when they really are an exception—a treat every now and then.

So thanks to Lori for helping me collect my thoughts today.

I think in the end, for me, it’s all about balance. Accepting who I am. Being confident in my skin. Seeing myself in a positive light, instead of always beating myself up over the negative. And maintaining the motivation to push harder, reach my goals, and stay healthy.

So here’s to starting the weekend off on the right foot…

Happy Friday!

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