Friday, June 29, 2012

And then comes marriage....

I found wedding planning to be quite enjoyable. For 12 months and 26 days I poured my heart and soul into making a single day as personal, fun, and memorable as it could be. And let me tell you, it paid off.

But somewhere along the line, I forgot that when all was said and done—when the pomp and circumstance was over—I’d be married.

I mean, of course I didn’t really forget that. We spent plenty of time preparing for the relationship, the lifelong commitment itself, that I was sure neither of us was entering into this lightly. But as I dreamed of the day over and over in the months and weeks beforehand, I stopped short of a very important part. The marriage.

I pictured myself waking up at my mom’s house for my last day as a single woman. I could see all of us girls getting glammed up at the salon and at the church. I saw Sean and myself sitting next to each other on the altar. And I pictured us dancing the night away with our closest friends and family. But then the daydreams stopped. I forgot to keep going, to let myself get excited about the best part—the rest of our lives.

So forgetting—at least temporarily—to have expectations of this thing they call married life has left me feeling a little bit turned around this week. I’m a little over-excited to use the word “husband.” I’ve gone through waves of feeling sad that the biggest (and obviously best) party I’ve ever thrown is over. I’ve (more than once) caught myself remembering (with joy!) that this guy on the couch next to me is all mine, forever!  And I’m a little unsure of what happens next.

But maybe that’s the best part. Without expectations I can let life lead us where we’re meant to go. We can keep moving forward like we always have, but now on the foundation of a refreshing promise—before God and all our friends—to love each other through thick and thin.

Just like parenting (I imagine, since I’m not a parent), no one can really teach you how to “be married”. You can take all the advice and wisdom but in the end you learn by simply living it for yourselves. And I have to say, I couldn’t be more excited for all the lessons we’ll learn in the next 50 years.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

We're married!

I'm still floating on cloud 9 (though quickly coming back down to reality after returning to work), but wanted to drop in real quickly and say, it's official.....

We're married!
{Photo preview courtesy of our rockstar photographer, Michael Murray Photography}
Saturday was the best day of my life. There was hardly a wrinkle, and though time flew much faster than we had hoped, we savored every second of it.

I'm thrilled to be newlyweds but admittedly a little sad, too. Planning for it was a long, memorable year of our lives, so understandly it's a bit of a let down when it's all over. Only now, we have the rest of our lives to look forward to!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Friday Letters - Wedding edition!

Dear mother nature, Saturday is sandwiched between two BEAUTIFUL days. Seriously? Could you do me a favor and just keep those scattered thunderstorms away from us tomorrow? At least, most preferably, between the hours of 3 and 5 p.m.?

Dear Sean, I’m going to be your wife tomorrow! Whoop!

Dear girls, I can’t wait to spend the day with you today, getting pampered, having lunch, and hopefully taking the afternoon to relax by the pool. Love you ladies!

Dear time, please go slowly for the next 48 hours. We’ve waited a long time for this day and want to savor every last second.

Dear soon-to-be husband (who gets 2 letters today), you look pretty damn good with a baby in your arms. Just sayin’. Did I mention we're getting married TOMORROW?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


I know I've been inexcusably absent lately, but I needed to drop in for a little writing therapy today.

Last week I started writing a post about how sometimes things do work out, and how maybe I should stop holding my breath and feeling like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And then this week happened (uh, and it's only Tuesday!). I'm feeling awfully glad I never published that post, because it pretty much feels like a big fat lie. Wishful thinking. Clearly too good to be true.

We're getting married in 4 days! 96 hours. I imagined this week to be blissful and exciting and full of celebration. Yet so far I haven't felt a sliver of it.

So if you're of the praying type, please send some prayers our way this week. I know how much I hate when people put such vague stuff out there, but there's far too much going on to go into detail - and trust me, you'd probably find it boring. So please just say a little prayer for Sean and I and our families, that we can get through this week and find the strength to enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime celebration!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


You would think with as much as we have going on right now, I’d have lots of fun things to share with all of you. Instead, I’ve been neglecting the blog and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. But the good news is, we’re almost in the home stretch!

This past weekend was wonderful. I checked several things off my to-do list (productivity makes me giddy), but better yet, I even had time for some fun, too.

On Saturday, a few of my girlfriends and I gathered at a friend’s house for some quality girl time. We never left the kitchen. For 5 hours we perched on bar stools and chairs surrounding a counter full of munchies, time flying by without even a moment to notice.

It was like we were back in high school, though I’d like to think we have a little more class and a lot more wisdom these days. All the talk of marriage and babies and careers and hardship was a clear indication that we’ve come a long way from our dramatic teenage years. But then again, there were certainly a few less mature conversations, too.

I just can’t help but think how grateful I am to have found these girls. We can go weeks without seeing each other and yet instantly fall into the familiar routine of old friendship. There just seems to be nothing like a few hours with some of your favorite girls to clear your head and calm you down.
{A photo from a couple years ago of the "original crew", although only a few of us made it on Saturday}

Monday, June 4, 2012


You know that feeling when you hold your breath? Your chest tightens and heart beats a little faster. A lump starts to form in the pit of your stomach. You feel panic creeping up on you. I realized today I’ve been feeling an awful lot like I’m holding my breath lately.

This weekend I ran into a friend who is getting married the same day as us. In just the few minutes we caught up, we quickly covered the typical wedding basics—location, size, last-minute to-dos. Like I’ve said to countless people in the last few weeks, I told her “I really haven’t felt too stressed out yet. I keep waiting for it to come.”

Then I realized (after she replied with “ugh I wish I was so lucky!”) that I’ve been lying all along. Stress may not be exactly how I’d define it, but I’m certainly not the picture of calm.

I used to take pride in the fact that I am a great sleeper—give me a pillow and a relatively comfortable surface to sleep on and I usually have no trouble getting some shut eye. Lately, though, I find myself lying awake at all hours. At bedtime? Yep! In the middle of the night for no apparent reason? Then too. About the only time I don’t have trouble sleeping is when my alarm is going off and I actually have to wake up.  

And then there are all the fun side effects that come during waking hours. Constant worry. Sometimes feeling like I may spontaneously burst into tears. Running to-do lists that I go over and over in my head.

Sounds a lot like stress to me. I guess I’ve been masking it as anxiety. But call it what you want, I’m a mess.

It doesn’t help that there are a few other very important things going on in our lives these days (no babies, trust me. I can’t wait for that someday, but right now we’ve got plenty on our plates).

Can’t wait until I get to stop holding my breath and let out a big ol’ sigh.

Friday, June 1, 2012

This month

At the risk of being one of those girls, I’m feeling the need to scream from the mountain tops today:

I’m getting married this month!

In just 22 short days (or 23, depending on how you count, I guess), I’ll be his wife! 

Happy June everybody!