I found wedding planning to be quite enjoyable. For 12 months and 26 days I poured my heart and soul into making a single day as personal, fun, and memorable as it could be. And let me tell you, it paid off.
But somewhere along the line, I forgot that when all was said and done—when the pomp and circumstance was over—I’d be married.
I mean, of course I didn’t really forget that. We spent plenty of time preparing for the relationship, the lifelong commitment itself, that I was sure neither of us was entering into this lightly. But as I dreamed of the day over and over in the months and weeks beforehand, I stopped short of a very important part. The marriage.
I pictured myself waking up at my mom’s house for my last day as a single woman. I could see all of us girls getting glammed up at the salon and at the church. I saw Sean and myself sitting next to each other on the altar. And I pictured us dancing the night away with our closest friends and family. But then the daydreams stopped. I forgot to keep going, to let myself get excited about the best part—the rest of our lives.
So forgetting—at least temporarily—to have expectations of this thing they call married life has left me feeling a little bit turned around this week. I’m a little over-excited to use the word “husband.” I’ve gone through waves of feeling sad that the biggest (and obviously best) party I’ve ever thrown is over. I’ve (more than once) caught myself remembering (with joy!) that this guy on the couch next to me is all mine, forever! And I’m a little unsure of what happens next.
But maybe that’s the best part. Without expectations I can let life lead us where we’re meant to go. We can keep moving forward like we always have, but now on the foundation of a refreshing promise—before God and all our friends—to love each other through thick and thin.
Just like parenting (I imagine, since I’m not a parent), no one can really teach you how to “be married”. You can take all the advice and wisdom but in the end you learn by simply living it for yourselves. And I have to say, I couldn’t be more excited for all the lessons we’ll learn in the next 50 years.