This weekend I ran into a friend who is getting married the same day as us. In just the few minutes we caught up, we quickly covered the typical wedding basics—location, size, last-minute to-dos. Like I’ve said to countless people in the last few weeks, I told her “I really haven’t felt too stressed out yet. I keep waiting for it to come.”
Then I realized (after she replied with “ugh I wish I was so lucky!”) that I’ve been lying all along. Stress may not be exactly how I’d define it, but I’m certainly not the picture of calm.
I used to take pride in the fact that I am a great sleeper—give me a pillow and a relatively comfortable surface to sleep on and I usually have no trouble getting some shut eye. Lately, though, I find myself lying awake at all hours. At bedtime? Yep! In the middle of the night for no apparent reason? Then too. About the only time I don’t have trouble sleeping is when my alarm is going off and I actually have to wake up.
And then there are all the fun side effects that come during waking hours. Constant worry. Sometimes feeling like I may spontaneously burst into tears. Running to-do lists that I go over and over in my head.
Sounds a lot like stress to me. I guess I’ve been masking it as anxiety. But call it what you want, I’m a mess.
It doesn’t help that there are a few other very important things going on in our lives these days (no babies, trust me. I can’t wait for that someday, but right now we’ve got plenty on our plates).
Can’t wait until I get to stop holding my breath and let out a big ol’ sigh.