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Monday, June 4, 2012

Worry

{via}
You know that feeling when you hold your breath? Your chest tightens and heart beats a little faster. A lump starts to form in the pit of your stomach. You feel panic creeping up on you. I realized today I’ve been feeling an awful lot like I’m holding my breath lately.

This weekend I ran into a friend who is getting married the same day as us. In just the few minutes we caught up, we quickly covered the typical wedding basics—location, size, last-minute to-dos. Like I’ve said to countless people in the last few weeks, I told her “I really haven’t felt too stressed out yet. I keep waiting for it to come.”

Then I realized (after she replied with “ugh I wish I was so lucky!”) that I’ve been lying all along. Stress may not be exactly how I’d define it, but I’m certainly not the picture of calm.

I used to take pride in the fact that I am a great sleeper—give me a pillow and a relatively comfortable surface to sleep on and I usually have no trouble getting some shut eye. Lately, though, I find myself lying awake at all hours. At bedtime? Yep! In the middle of the night for no apparent reason? Then too. About the only time I don’t have trouble sleeping is when my alarm is going off and I actually have to wake up.  

And then there are all the fun side effects that come during waking hours. Constant worry. Sometimes feeling like I may spontaneously burst into tears. Running to-do lists that I go over and over in my head.

Sounds a lot like stress to me. I guess I’ve been masking it as anxiety. But call it what you want, I’m a mess.

It doesn’t help that there are a few other very important things going on in our lives these days (no babies, trust me. I can’t wait for that someday, but right now we’ve got plenty on our plates).

Can’t wait until I get to stop holding my breath and let out a big ol’ sigh.

3 comments:

  1. i told people that i wasn't stressed, too. but i was! i spontaneously burst into tears a LOT! there is definitely a defining moment at the end of the wedding day when you're completely alone with your husband that you'll feel at peace. :) congratulations! not long now!

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  2. I totally know what you mean. But soon enough it will be over (at least, the wedding will), and then you can let out that sigh :)

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  3. I love that quote, definitely very true. :)

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