Monday, May 20, 2013

May Day 20: Struggle

Today’s prompt: Get real. Share something you’re struggling with right now.
Well apparently I’m struggling with blogging, seeing as how it’s been several days since I participated in Jenni’s Blog Every Day in May challenge. In my own defense, I was traveling for work last week and had a ton of things going on when I got home, but excuses excuses.
So aside from struggling with time…
A few things come to mind, but I’d say two in particular are weighing most heavily on me.
First of all – work. I really enjoy my job, but lately I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed with it. I know a lot of it is self-induced. I was talking about this with some coworkers the other day, in fact. I get so stressed because I let it happen. Instead of just going with the flow and trying my best, I let the pressure of getting everything done, of doing a perfect job (impossible) get to me. It’s just the way I am. So I guess part of it is that I’m struggling with cutting myself some slack. But part of it is just struggling with my confidence in my ability to do the job. I’ve been in this role for about 10 months and still sometimes feel like I’m not up-to-speed yet. I used to be so confident in my knowledge of my work, and now that I’m not always sure of myself, I get frustrated with questioning my ability to make decisions, provide direction, and make the right choices. So being busy on top of worrying about doing my job right is pretty much drowning me right now. I think I need a vacation. (Except that, then coming back and catching up after vacation is almost not even worth it.)
And secondly, I’ve been struggling with being healthy. I’m just going to be honest here – I’ve let myself down in staying fit and eating right. Part of it is stress. The past several months have been really tough for a lot of reasons, and emotional eating has always been my biggest weakness. I get mad at myself for packing on a few extra pounds, skipping the gym a few days here and there, or making food choices I used to be so good at turning down. I hate that I’ve allowed myself to slip back into the “easy” (but bad) decisions when I worked so hard to make the healthy decisions come easy to me. But I’ve done it before. I’ve overcome the bad habits to settle into a routine that feels comfortable and right. And every day is a new opportunity to get there. Little by little I try and get back there. I’m trying (but struggling, thus the reason for this post) to get back to a place where I feel good about myself again, and I think making good choices is going to be the most important part of it.
Struggle, I think, is a part of all of us. We’re our own toughest critics, so there will always be challenges and obstacles in our lives that make life feel a little less than easy. But in my experience, struggle is what makes achievement most rewarding. Having to work hard for something in life makes earning it that much more satisfying. So I’ll take the struggles in stride, hoping—knowing—that there can always be light at the end of the tunnel as long as you let yourself look for it.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my goodness, this really resonated with me. Sometimes I feel like self-doubt is poisoning almost every aspect of my life! And it really is difficult to actually cut yourself some slack.