Tuesday, May 7, 2013

May Day 7: My top 5 fears

Today’s prompt: The things you’re most afraid of
I have a few major fears, though most aren't anything outrageous. In fact, I’d probably venture to guess that some of these are among some of the most common fears out there.
Heights: I simply hate them. I get vertigo just walking around the second-level concourse in a sports arena because I feel like I’m going to get too close to the stairs and fall stories to the ground. I can be nauseated by an image taken from a high distance, let alone the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I witness a distance firsthand. And distance is really a relative term because the second story of the mall is probably just as frightening as the observation deck of the Sears Tower to me.
Death: I imagine this doesn’t need much explaining, because it’s pretty straightforward. The thought of dying—whether it’s me or someone close to me—just terrifies me. I suppose I should come to terms with this as a part of life, but for now, I just like to pretend it’s never going to happen (again). We’ve dealt with enough death in our families already.
Fire: It terrifies me. I refuse to do laundry if we’re not going to be home because I’m so afraid that something could go wrong (lint trap not clean enough? Electrical malfunction?) and our house could burn down. I am especially afraid of fire breaking out while we’re sleeping. I’m constantly making sure nothing is touching any power cords in our bedroom before we go to sleep. I used to keep our laptop on the couch, but after hearing about a fire that started from this, I never, ever leave it anywhere but on a hard, cool surface.
Going to jail: I have this strange fear that one day I’m going to accidentally do something that puts me in jail. Growing up I was a bit of a goody two-shoes and always felt guilty breaking the rules, even if I knew I could get away with it. I guess you could say the same is true as an adult. One of my biggest nightmares is ending up in jail. Of course, I don’t partake in any behavior that might land me in jail, thus the reason I’m so concerned it will happen by accident. Among the accidental reasons I fear could lead to my jail time? Being wrongly accused of something. Getting in a car accident that is somehow my fault (including accidentally hitting a pedestrian, another of my fears). I mean, who thinks like this?? Me I guess. Let’s file this one under extremely irrational fears, shall we?
Not having a chance to be a mommy: Maybe this is a bit too depressing for this post, but I want to be real here. I’ve been open about our recent pregnancy loss, and would be remiss to not include this when talking about my biggest fears. Being a mommy is something I’ve always dreamt of, and something I seem to want more and more with each passing day. A friend once told me (by way of advice she got from someone else) that God wouldn’t give us such a strong desire in our soul if it weren’t meant to one day be fulfilled. So until that day, I will just have faith and hope that it will happen for us when the time is right.
So there you have it, my top 5 biggest fears. Nothing too shocking, except for maybe my slightly embarrassing fear of one day becoming an ex-con. But that’s what fears are often about, right? Rarely rational or sensible.
What are your fears?

1 comment:

  1. Fire scares me too! I never, ever leave the washer, dryer, dishwasher, etc on if I'm not going to be home. And I leave for work and come back to check to make sure my oven and/or hair straightener are off at least twice a week. I am so nervous about it all the time!