Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Is it supposed to make sense?

Last night, while having a mini meltdown for the most absurd reasons, I was texting with Sean (he was at work) seeking solace. I should know by now that he’s generally not the first person to go to when I’m in a state like this and looking for someone to talk to. For comfort? He’s the one. He’ll tell me he’s sorry I’m upset and that it’s all going to be OK. But I was looking for more of a two-way conversation – for him to humor me in my hysterics and agree with all of the clearly rational things I’d suddenly declared about the world.

You can guess where this is going. That’s not quite what I got from him. But what he did have to say was better. Because it got me thinking, and still has me pondering it today.

“It just doesn’t make sense!” I typed, feeling fed up and frustrated. His response?

“Is it supposed to make sense?”

I didn’t know how to respond. At first, I was angry. Yes, of course it is! Life is supposed to be logical and reasonable and fair. We should be able to expect things, plan for things, control things. Right?

Wrong. Life doesn’t always make sense. We’re not supposed to be able to be in control of everything, or to always have things the way we think they should be. But then why do I spend so much time trying to understand it? I hate feeling  frustrated when something in life doesn’t go a way that I expect it to or that even seems fair. 

But by believing that life isn't fair, that would mean that some people do "have it all," and I know that's not true. Everyone is fighting their own battles. We all have our own versions of an unfair, misunderstood life. Some are just a lot better at moving past it and embracing the beauty of the blessed lives we're given (I'm trying!).

Sean’s question was really nothing more than him dealing with my irrationality of the moment by looking at it from a very rationale perspective. But it was what I needed to stop and ask myself, “is this really worth crying about?” Yep, sometimes it is. (I am, in fact, a firm believer in a very good cry every once in a while.) But I can’t feel that way forever.

I have to remember that things aren’t always going to make sense. There’s no code to crack, no formula I am one day going to magically discover for making life easy or understandable. I need to learn to have faith, hope, and less judgment. Let go, and let God. 

1 comment:

  1. Gosh this is me. I want everything to make sense and go exactly how I planned it. This is something that annoys me most about myself.